


Make me feel like I am breathing

by LonelyAngel



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 18:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13219104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAngel/pseuds/LonelyAngel
Summary: Sometimes it feels like Tyler is already dead. He just wants to feel human again. Feel alive again.





	Make me feel like I am breathing

**Author's Note:**

> Title by the Neighbourhood "A little death"

Tyler is tired, so fucking tired but his mind is keeping him awake.  
He can hear the ticking of the clock and it's driving him crazy. Tick, tock.  
One second closer to death. Tyler can hear the time rush by but all he can do is lying in his bed, all lights off and staring into the darkness.

  
He wishes he wasn't alone. His heart is aching for someone to love him, but his life is lonely and empty. Tyler isn't loved.  
He is not worth being loved. Why should someone like to be with him?

  
A guy once told him that he looks cute, but whenever he looks into the mirror, all he can see is a pale, twenty-five year old, with messy hair, tired looking eyes and chapped lips.  
He isn't good-looking. He isn't smart, he's always broke, he has nothing to offer than himself.

  
Tyler wants to be loved and he wants to love. He wants to find someone who can justify his existence.

  
Sometimes he imagines that there's someone lying next to him, someone who wraps their arms around him and pulls him to their chest. He wants pecks on his bleeding lips, soft hands cupping his chin, breath ghosting over his mouth.

  
Tyler sits up and wraps his arms around himself. He is cold, his skin feels like ice. Tears slide down his cheek and he knows, in a few hours, days, he'll be out, walking through the city, trying to find love.

  
When he thinks about his childhood, he notices that he had plans. He wanted to have a wife, kids, maybe a house. But his dreams disappeared over the years. He's never going to have kids anyway.

  
Noone told him that being an adult was so terribly lonely. Tyler grits his teeth but the tears keep leaking from his eyes. He realizes how pathetic and touch starved he is and it makes him angry.

  
Tyler gets up, walking to his tiny kitchen, making himself a cup of coffee. There are the dirty plates and cups in the sink, but he ignores it. He drinks the coffee although it's in the middle of the night.

  
Soon, the cup is empty, so Tyler places it next to the sink. He can't sleep and he doesn't want to watch TV.

  
How can his life be so fucked up? Where's all the happiness he hoped for?  
Sometimes it feels like he is already dead. He just wants to feel human again. Feel alive again.

  
He walks to the bathroom and switches the light on. The mirror over the sink is dirty and he rubs his palm over it, but he just smears the dirt all over it.

  
Tyler notices that his bottom lip is bleeding. He touches the lip with his fingertips and sees a tiny drop of blood on it. He uses his teeth to pull at the skin of his lip and rips it open.

  
The taste of blood fills his mouth and Tyler grimaces. He runs his tongue over the blood. He tugs at his hair and pinches his cheek. Where he pinched his cheek, the skin is red and he looks a little more alive. Tyler takes a deep breath and looks away. He's still looking terrible.

  
Tyler walks to the living room, deciding to watch a romantic movie. He's only watched half of it when he jumps up, turning the TV off. The jacket he grabs on his way to the door is way too thin, but he doesn't care. He closes the door behind him and walks to the staircase. The elevator is working, but Tyler prefers the staircase. He feels trapped inside the elevator.

  
It smells like piss and garbage and Tyler covers his mouth with the collar of his jacket. He leaves the building quickly. He hates living there but he can't efford living in a better neighborhood.

  
The air is cold, but dry and Tyler's sure his lips will be even more chapped the next day. He should buy a chapstick.

  
Tyler thinks about all the people that had their hands on him. Hands on his shoulders, his back, the curve of his ass. They left marks on him, small bruises like fingertips, hickies on his neck, sometimes blood on his back where fingernails scratched too deep.

Tyler likes it, he likes seeing the small injuries on his skin, proof that he was loved, at least for a night.

  
He walks slowly. There's a guy in front of a club, he's wearing a black leather jacket. Tyler likes guys in leather jackets. They always pull his hair and tell him how pretty he is.

  
The guy is smoking and his bright yellow hair is almost glowing in the dark. He looks at Tyler and the brunette shivers.

  
He steps closer and places a hand on the guy's shoulder. The punk flinches but remains looking at Tyler.

  
Tyler leans forward, he knows this guy will make him feel alive again. Their lips connect and the guy seems frozen. Tyler presses his chapped lips against his warm, soft ones and finally, his counterpart returns the kiss. They pull apart breathlessy.

  
"What's... what's your name?" the guy asks hesitantly.

  
"Tyler."

  
The guy looks at him. "Tyler." he repeats. "I'm Josh."

  
Tyler places a hand on his neck and pulls him closer, kissing him again. Josh moans quietly.

  
"I'm yours." Tyler whispers. Josh places his hands on his waist, pulling at the hem of Tyler's shirt.

  
Josh's hands are soft, he runs them up and down Tyler's back. Tyler breathes loudly, trying to get closer.

  
Josh is warm, Tyler can feel the heat through his jacket. Josh reaches for Tyler's belt and unbuckles it, pulling his pants down. He grabs Tyler by his shoulders and turns him so he is facing an ugly brick wall. Tyler places his hands on the wall. The wall is cold and his fingers are numb within a few minutes.

  
He hears Josh unzipping his pants and then he feels a finger inside of him. Josh's fingers are cold but Tyler is relieved that Josh decided to stretch him first.

Soon enough, Josh is inside of him, thrusting steadily. Tyler moans and closes his eyes. Josh doesn't pull his hair. Tyler gasps when Josh hits his prostate and he feels human again. He feels alive and it's worth it.

  
But it ends, too soon, Tyler thinks. Josh pulls Tyler's pants back up and turns him around, kissing him softly. Tyler can't get enough. 

  
"How much?" Josh asks.

  
Tyler looks at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

  
Josh licks his lips. "What's your price?"

  
"For what?"

  
"For the sex, of course. I hope I have enough money with me."

  
Tyler stares at him.

  
Josh furrows his brows. "You're a prostitute, right?" he asks quietly.

  
Tyler swallows and suddenly starts to cry. He sits down on the ground and pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Sobs escape his lips and he starts shaking.

He's ashamed, not because he just let a stranger fuck him, but because he actually thought about lying to Josh, taking the money and leave.

  
What did he become? What happened that he ended up fucking random strangers just to feel something?

  
Tyler can't breathe, he's tired and worn out. He feels overwhelmed.

  
"I can't do this anymore." he whispers and buries his face in his knees. "I c-can't..." His tears are hot and he just can't stop shaking.

He wants to scream but he can't breathe, there's no oxygen left in his lungs. He starts to panic. "I'm... I-I can't..."

  
Josh crouches down next to him. "Sshh. You'll be okay. Deep breaths." he rubs Tyler's back slowly, not wanting to overload Tyler's senses with his touches.

  
Tyler cries. Josh waits until his breathing slows down.

  
Then, he softly pulls Tyler to his feet, wrapping his arms around him. Tyler is still sobbing, but he is starting to calm down.

  
"I'm b-broken." he whispers.

  
Josh sighs. "We're all broken."

  
Tyler closes his eyes. Josh smells nice. "I just want to be loved."

  
"I get that. I feel the same." Josh says softly. "Are you hungry?"

  
Tyler nods and Josh grabs his hand. "Let's get you home and order something to eat, okay?"

  
"Okay." Tyler responds quietly. He tells Josh where to go and the punk starts to walk, holding hands with Tyler the entire time. Tyler bites his lip and looks at Josh.

Maybe there's a chance that he'll be loved someday. Maybe a yellow-haired guy will love him. Maybe.


End file.
